Bars and clubs are not the only places where you can go and look for beautiful women. Instead, you should try approaching during the day and at unconventional places. Once you have a bit of practice you’ll find pick up easier and your results will be much better.
Just a small notice: to keep things simple and save myself from repeating, I’ll be only speaking about trains here. Subways, in the end, are also trains anyway, so all of what I say below can be applied to subways too. Hence the name of the article.
Why Trains
Trains are all full of beautiful women. It’s impressive, really. How many times have you seen girls that left your jaws dropping while having a ride? I bet hundreds! It keeps surprising me – Most of the times I’m riding the train I can’t just keep my eyes down and read my book. They just go on the direction of the hot girls around. And honestly, if presented with a situation like this it’s a waste not to do something.
Approaching on the trains is a great opportunity. Of course, it’s not normal and may look a little bit awkward at the beginning. But once you have done it a couple of times you’ll get more comfortable with it. And the results are much worth it: inside trains you’ll find more beautiful, better educated and higher quality women than in clubs. All, that is, with their defenses way lower. If you want to win the best prizes, this is the real place to go.
Following I’ll teach you two strategies that I have found to be the best working at trains in particular. Before we continue I really suggest you to read the generic guide on Approaching Girls During The Day I have written a few months ago.
Strategy #1: Direct Approach
This one is my favorite strategy. It takes a little while to master and it is hard to calibrate, but results can be quite outstanding. The idea is that as soon as you see the girl you like, you go ahead and tell her she is cute and that you really would like to meet her. It’s kind of what you would do inside a club but just with much more social pressure to overcome.
The key is to prepare a great elevator pitch. Make sure to condense in less than a minute what you do, why you are a nice guy and why should she meet you. Couple that with your best body language, strong eye contact and, above all, a big smile. Don’t ask her too many questions, be concise and direct and make sure to look natural.
That should be enough, really. I also suggest you to keep the interaction brief and to always inspire safety and not to make her feel uncomfortable. Inside the train the best way to do so is to get off usually one or two stops after you started speaking with the girl. This way you’ll avoid making her think whether you’ll be speaking to her the whole ride or not.
You should focus on getting her email or phone number, either is good. If you stick to the cocky and funny side and your pitch is well calibrated, it won’t be that hard for the girl to accept giving you a chance. Going beyond that in that first interaction is hard – It depends much more on the girl than on you.
What to say? It’s not my style to script what I’m going to say and I never use the same lines every time I approach. Nevertheless, there are few points I always make sure to say:
- I needed to speak to her. If I didn’t I would have regretted it forever.
- I only want one chance to show all I got. I’m going to make her have a great time with me on a date, whether it is for a coffee, a walk or a drink.
The train scene in Before Sunrise and what Jesse says has been always a great inspiration for how to handle these kinds of situation. I, again, recommend you to watch the movie!
Strategy #2: Indirect Approach
You can also open with a small and casual observation. That’s what the second (and way more common) approach is all about. Find an excuse to say something and use it to break the silence. Just make sure you don’t stay chit chatting the whole time as it’s really pointless.
Think about it this way: the girl probably has thousands of better things to do rather than to speak with a complete stranger about casual stuff. So keep, for example, the weather and the train’s problems just for the opening – Don’t make the conversation go around them the whole time. Move out of these topics as fast as possible and switch your focus to what I pointed out in the first strategy.
After all, you don’t want to be the “weather guy” the whole time, right? So go ahead and make sure you tell her you would like to meet her, that you find her cute, etc as early in the conversation as possible. Show her what you got and make her know you want your chance with her. This way it will be easier to arrange a date than if you just chit-chat. You might be rejected a few times, but in over all the results are much more promising.
Having the Guts
These simple strategies are you need to know. There’s nothing that will give you better results if what you want is to approach inside the train. So make sure you practice enough! We all love the girls in the train, but only few have the guts and speak up. You have to be one of those few.
If you don’t have enough confidence or just can’t find enough courage, I suggest you to read these two previous articles here and here. The first is about practical ways of overcoming shyness and the second one is about the famous 3-Second Rule. Both will be of help!
Last, make sure you are well motivated and as charismatic as possible. The volume and tone of your voice, for example, can, just as in a club, decide whether you’ll be successful or not. Don’t leave all these to luck – Make sure you are your best self in there! If you are going to approach without energy and not 100% sure of yourself you won’t get any results.
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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
Can you be more clear? What do you mean by “show her what you got” or “who you are, what you do, why you are a nice guy, and why she should meet you” — can you elaborate? Thanks!
Hey Tom,
I generally don’t script what I’m saying. You’ll give a better impression just with the tone of your voice, body language and eye contact… Especially when you have so little time to speak those will matter more.
By showing what you got I mean showing off your value. It’s a way to show your best (which for you may be not what it is for me!) and give her a great impression in those few minutes you can.
Just don’t think about it that much.. Be natural about it! But imagine that if you have only five minutes to get her number/email you got to be interesting (or a bit special!) Make a really great conversation out of that!
Hope it answers your doubt! Take care!
I don’t think that the direct approach would be very succesful, it comes off desperate and pushy. The train is already a sketchy place, if you come on too hard you’ll either scare the girl off or she will not like you simply because you are too easy. The second approach seems to work a bit better but its just not interesting enough AND it uses the first method.
@Cablino
The idea is actually NOT to look desperate or pushy. Obviously if you are just starting and nervous and with a lack of practice, it’s possible that you might look quite creepy. But with a decent amount of work into it and the right calibration this can work wonders. It won’t be always a success but it will be good enough! The indirect, slower approach is fine to try if you prefer.. But I made clear why I rather stick with the other. It’s up to you!
If you have experiences and ideas to share, feel free! Thanks for your comment!
Mario
Ok here is the problem and scenario. This girl gets on my train EVERY day and she is hot, First time i saw her she sat opposite me and we kept looking at each other, then looking away like a pair of school kids. Last 2 months she still gets on the same carriage and sits nearby and we occasionally make eye contact and then look away.
I should have made my move earlier, but its gone past that. Thing is, I think she is amazing looking but i can’t ask her out as the train is always so busy and so packed, and she gets off one stop before I do.
I tried smiling a couple of times but she kind of looked away all shy and turned away from me when I did. I’m torn as to just bite the bullet and give her my business card, or let it go. Help!
It’s never too late Donald! Hopefully you can make something great from this!
What I would do (and doesn’t mean it would work – just a random though): don’t give her a BUSINESS card. Instead, take some small sheet of paper and write something special/funny for and about her. Then sign it with some kind of contact (email/facebook, something like that – I wouldn’t go with telephone directly) and see. I mean, it’s always better do so something than not to!
It’s always a bit weird when you have seen each other multiple times, so make fun of that in your small letter. Make it so she at least smiles when reading it – Not the plain “I would like to go out with you” but some nice comment about her. As for what to write… Well, tell two or three girl friends you have and tell them about it. Ask them if they would like a letter, what they would like.. Don’t do exactly what they say but at least to get some idea from it!
Then give your best shot! Don’t just give it but also look at her in the eyes, smile, etc. You’ll feel great about it… If you win, you’ll feel excellent. If she says no, you’ll also feel good about actually speaking and breaking the ice with her. And as long as she’s not a bitch, she will always make you feel good =)! Good luck and then tell me how it went!
Mario,
I’m in a similar situation as DM, well maybe not as similar. I started working recently and take the subway to commune. There is this super classy, very cute redhead in the subway (office type) I encounter almost every morning. I’m dying to meet her and talk to her but she strikes me as very the aloof “don’t bother me” kinda girl. All serious, not smiling… you catch my drift.
Approaching women in daylight is hard enough and I think is even worse when you feel there is already a wall that she has put up. What do you recommend in this situation? I know that to meet great girls you have to talk and I’m working on it. But what about these kind of girls that are playing hard to get even before you talk to them?
Google brought me to your site looking for tips to talk to women on the subway, that’s how much I’m interested in this girl.
Peace,
Louis from Montreal.
Hey Louis! I totally understand you – that happened to me a lot when I took the same train over and over in Buenos Aires. It’s fucking hard, especially with that ‘wall’ you say =)
But then, first rule always smile when you see her (don’t exaggerate, but smile) and, if she looks at you, just say a casual ‘hi’. If you do it consistently, maybe it will take that wall down a bit.
Keep doing that for a bit, and one day you feel you are with all the energy and the ‘inner fire’ all lighted up, go ahead and try the approach in the post. I won’t guarantee it will work, but that’s what I would do!
Good luck and keep me updated!
Hey Mario,
I found that clip from Before Sunrise inspiring as well. However I would like to know how you would you tweak it for a guy like me who never rides a train, but would like to approach the girl I am interested in, in an open, everyday atmosphere. I tried to think of every way, but to no avail. Thanks
Well, the train is what makes it magical – but the whole point is how he, as a stranger, convinces her to go for a walk with him. The main points are, I guess: 1) something to break the ice – the couple fighting, the books, etc, 2) rapport to go somewhere neutral (restaurant wagon) and just chat – and do a good, cool chat, 3) have an easy ‘escape plan’ – “if I turn out to be some kind of psycho, you just take the next train”. It’s a movie, of course, and it can’t happen at any place, anytime. But look at the magic, and work to get the magic =) Hope it helps!
Hey this is great advice! I’m 17 and I notice other girls my age look at me several times during a train ride and I was wondering if the same tactic applies to teenage girls? And should I do it after I would smile at her and get a smile back? I mean does a girl who looks just want to LOOK or does she want to know me?
It’s kind-of the same Brandon, just that teenage girls might be a bit more ‘scared’ than older ones. So look as decent as possible – well dressed, groomed, etc, and don’t be as aggressive. But otherwise keep the same line. Good luck and keep us updated!
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