I bet I had more long distance girlfriends than most (if not all) of you reading this right now. My conclusion: 99% of the times it won’t work. Here I will tell you why:
1- Most of the times the other one is not worth it.
This is cruel to say, but it’s the number one cause of failure. It’s hard to go through a LDR and it will be even harder if you don’t really love your couple. Most of the partners you’ll have in your life are just not worth the effort.
Be careful when choosing your couple and then be even more careful when deciding to have a LDR together. If you feel it might not work it’s because it won’t. So it will be better for you to avoid it altogether than to suffer, fight and discuss for months until you break up in bad terms.
2- LDRs are unfair.
They really are. Most times one will be having all the fun and action while the other is stuck in boredom and pain. This can bring many conflicts to the table: jealousy, mistrust, lies, etc. All these will turn the relationship into something troublesome and annoying for both persons.
LDRs always have someone who is more willing and desperate to keep it going. Avoid that: there’s nothing more annoying in the universe than to have someone scanning your life 24/7 and asking for explanations for everything you do. I rather die than to spend hours of my time explaining and giving reasons to a lost cause.
People should be happy about their partner enjoying and having a nice time away.
3- It’s nice to kiss, hug and have sex.
What is faithful is up to you. In my opinion, faith and trust go beyond sex: it’s more about having so much love for someone that no other can replace him or her. If I had a girlfriend abroad I wouldn’t love her less if she has or I have a sex or kiss some other girl. Love goes beyond what is superficial.
But, it is really worth it to go without sex for months? I don’t think so. It’s not natural and it’s not healthy. You have to go and have fun, meet people and meld in the new environments. Let yourself go and enjoy the pleasures of life and love.
If you are sure of his or her love and on how much you care for each other you shouldn’t even worry about this.
4- Missed opportunities.
In the future you’ll regret much more what you didn’t do than what you did. It applies for everything: careers, jobs, projects and also relationships. Don’t miss out on the opportunities someone abroad could be.
Don’t go against your heart. If it says you should let go, let go. Live the present and enjoy the moment. Tell your partner what you feel and make him or her understand.
5- Want it or not, the magic will fade.
Don’t try to do the impossible to keep the magic going. Long distance will slowly kill your relationship, no matter how much you try. There’s no way that your couple will be as healthy and sound as it was when you were physically together.
Skype, webcams and post just can’t replace the presence of the one you love. Two or three trips to see each other a year can’t do it either. It’s not natural and it’s even creepy. Don’t keep trying what won’t work: it will only make matters worse.
And always remember: your relationship and your partner are not the exception. Don’t fool yourself thinking that what didn’t work for the rest of the world will work for you.
—
Think about it for a second: are you willing to go through all these hardships to keep your relationship going? Is it really worth it? Most of the times it’s not. You’ll regret forever trying so hard to keep one person you, after all, don’t really love.
Think hard and from your heart before you commit. If you are still willing to go through this at all costs, check out the article here. There I give my take on how to work out long distance love.
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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
well mate, after the last line, love’s a strange thing. But well if you don’t plan to kill the distance somehow or to work it out it’s just useless to have, although sometimes people are not replaceable and even if you get something near the magic’s always somewhere else. ;)
I agree with you that LDR’s can be hell, both mentally and emotionally. But if you do believe you’ve found the right person, and that person feels the same way, then you may find that LDR to be worth it.
The above poster makes an extremely important point though, killing the distance is an absolute necessity if you decide to maintain a successful LDR, and if you can’t bridge that distance completely right away, then multiple trips to see each other are a must, and far more often than 2-3 times a year. Myself, I’ve made plans with my significant other to fly out at least every two months, as we’re both trapped in our locations for the time being. It will be another two years before we can actually move in together, but we intend to try and make that time go as quickly and painlessly as possible.
If there was no hope in seeing eachother often over such a long time frame, then yes, our LDR would probably have fallen apart by now. It’s trust, love, and anticipation of our visits that keep us together, and all this stemming from a chance meeting on a website neither of us frequented usually.
Also, being in the military myself, I know quite a few happily married couples that kept up LDR’s before they were able to actually live together. Sadly, LDR’s are in many cases the only means military folk have of entering or maintaining a relationship or even their own marriage, due to the long deployments we go through, as well as being stationed in remote locations at random. To put it frankly, we have to make LDR’s work.
So, even though many do fail, please don’t think to badly of LDR’s, because they can and do bring people together all the time.
~A faithful Soldier
Lots of thanks for this comment! Mind – I don’t think completely badly about LDR. I even wrote a follow up about making them work out. When I wrote this, however, I never thought about soldiers and how hard it must be for you (our army in Argentina is small and never goes too far – just missed that!).
LDR is and will always be a tricky thing. To make them work out and make the most is completely up to you – but, in all cases, that relationship has to be really special. You shouldn’t go in a LDR if you are not completely sure how much in love you are.
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