There’s no perfect girlfriend or boyfriend – no perfect woman, no perfect man, no perfect couple. But there are some that come quite close. After long trips, living in four countries and a zillion of other experiences, I kind-of figured out what’s the trick – what do I need to look for in a person (in my case, in girls), to make sure any relationship I have is strong and full of love. I always look, almost unconsciously, for five key aspects – and I strongly suggest you to look for these same too. I write specifically about girls, but, in general terms, the same kind-of applies to guys too. Here they are:
1- She Has to Be Attractive
It’s sad, but that’s the way it is – if a girl is not nice looking, it won’t go. I don’t consider myself superficial, but I still won’t feel attracted to a bad looking girl. My instincts push me for a nice face, a nice ass, nice tits – it’s printed in my soul, and so it’s the soul of other men. What is attractive is, though, subjective – it’s all up in the air. What I like it’s not what you may like, and viceversa. However, in the end you need to feel attracted to your couple – if you don’t, it won’t work. What’s the point of being with someone when you’ll be looking around for others? Better to take some more time and then find someone you truly feel attracted to and stick to him or her.
2- She Has to Be a Great Woman
I’ve a weakness for great women. I have a fetish for girls doing something special – from crazy health and sports goals, to work and studies, to whatever it comes. All as long as it’s not ‘normal’, and it’s epic in a positive way. Greatness is a crazy trip, experiences, starting a movement, a foundation… It’s just something cool! Something that few have done. I like great women because I like to learn. While it’s fun to be the ‘papa’ in the relationship, that gets old, and gets old fast – it’s more fun to make it all an exchange. I like to inspire, to teach, to help, to love, and I like to get the same in return. It makes matters more fun. I bombard girlfriends with questions, ask them for advice – all the time, and about things they find ridiculous, unnecessary. But then, it makes me more in love – it helps them win my total respect, it makes me to look up to them. It makes me excited and looking forward to see and talk to them.
3- She Has to Really Love You
If I had to pick just one thing in a girlfriend, this would be it. It’s even more important than beauty or greatness – it’s what, in the end, really matters.And it’s hard to find – unconditional, total love it’s not a commodity. But then – there it is, and the benefits of having it blow over anything else. You need to work for it – I sometimes overdo myself to make girls feel that they are really loved. I say it every time I can, and I do stuff to make them feel queens of the universe, the one and only in my mind and in the world, etc. This, with persistence, tends to pays off. It works because, in the end, I get the same feeling in return. I get girlfriends who would put their hands in the fire for me, and who will be there for me to support, help and encourage me when I need them. Of course, I can’t and won’t show unconditional love to every girl I am with. I need to feel it – when I say what I say, do what I do… I need to be genuine. It has to really come from the heart. It’s kind of a give-and-receive, plus the two points above. But it’s there. And sometimes it can go all wrong – sometimes you put a lot of effort, and then it doesn’t really pay off – you can get hurt, get sad, but, then again, it’s still very much worth the risk. When you are with someone that really likes YOU – that’s when you have a really strong and sustainable relationship.
4- She Must Be Good in Bed
Again, this is sad to say, but that’s the way it is. Bad sex leads to problems in a couple. Not in the short-term, but it does definitely in the long run. I had some girlfriends who were very bad in bed – without passion, even selfish… and while that never killed the relationship directly, it of course hindered it, it made it worse, and was a part, want it or not, of any eventual break up. Good sex is the other side of the coin: while it won’t replace any other thing, or make a relationship strong on its own – it’s a layer on top of everything, and can potentiate all the good stuff. And it’s not that complicated. It’s not all about how long we last, how good she moves – it’s about the feelings you draw from each other. It’s about feeling wanted – it’s about making the couple feel special, unique, etc. It’s kind-of the same of the point above, but taken strictly to a deep physical and emotional level. It’s cool, and it really works.
5- She Must Have the ‘Special Touch’
And this one is because I like special people – I like the magic spark. Everyone is, in one way or another, special – by his or her past, by the things he or she does, and by a whole lot of other reasons. I try to dig deep, and really ‘catch’ what can make a certain person in particular special – and then I try to take it all out. Of course, this magic touch and where to look for it depends from person to person – in my case, this has been, for instance, similar worldviews and similar dreams and goals. Given that some of my dreams include to live and just meditate and relax for months on a Buddhist monastery in China or Tibet, when I find someone with similar, special ideas my radar instantly turns on. It makes her immediately stand out – for there are billions of girls in the world, and not that many, just few, share some of these ideas. Or, for instance, I love and love some more Vienna. And, when I find someone who has, in one way or another, a strong connection to that city, it makes matters special – again, it immediately turns the ‘special’ light on the radar.
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